C A R M E N

End of 2011

2011-12-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

It's the end of 2011. Time flies, and i'm sure you agree. So at the end of each year, I usually think back of my resolutions in January and see how much I've accomplished, then make new ones next year.

I'm back from checking my older post in January and I found this:

"No resolutions this year. haha wait, actually I do, but i'll keep them private :P heheee. it's not a lot, but it sure does means a lot :) hope to achieve them very soon."

Hmm, I dont remember what they are. haha but to sum up my 2011, I wouldn't say it's a great year for me. Usually, each year will be better than the last, but not this year. I have not achieved extraordinary things, I have not succeed in a lot of things, I do not have memorable memories.

Oh, I am so wrong :)

As I was typing those sentences, i suddenly thought of the new things i have tried, I succeeded in some things and I do have memorable memories. My year was revolving around my uni life last year; this year, my life has revolved around church. That's the good thing about writing, God will speak to me, memories will just remind me and my heart will be calling out to me.

Things that I am glad about this year, first to say is that I joined Usher ministry in church :) I've grown in my ministry, not too much, but not little as well. In this half a year, my love and ownership of the church has been growing continuously. I learnt a lot too! I should practice on ushering in the presence of God. Think less of the system and myself, and think more of other people and put them first.

Usher Team :)

I also speak more to people, less shy. Trying to keep my friends. I joined Keith's bible study (Can't wait to learn from him again), Lee Choo's discipleship group, I even preached my first sermon in front of other people and lead worship! I am also growing in cell group, getting busy with this and that. I had my difficult times, but slowly overcoming it and now i'm a happy girl again :)

Jason's Graduation :)

I get to know a lot more friends, mostly from church as well :) I get to know Desmond, my dear boyfriend for 2 months. I always think that the theme for our story is "fate". I may not know if now is the correct time or not, but I will try my best, because meeting and getting to know him has been such a wonderful journey :) We may have our conflicts, because we are both quite dominant, haha. But then again, I want guys who has leadership, unavoidable ya? He is currently in Japan, come back soon! >:(

Desa Park City <3

Let's see, what else.. I went to a lot of places! hehe Genting with cell group, Malacca with Wesha, Nexus+Tuaran+Crocodile farm with Alex and Wenjye, Petrosains, look-out point, i-city, one night trip to Genting out of randomness, almost every mall with Desmond, Tawau to visit my cousins.

Our first time holding a snake, freaked out xD

Genting for Jason's birthday :)

Malacca :)

My adorable adorable cousins! <3

Oh my cousins, i love them so so so much! My favourite is the youngest one! CUTE TO THE MAX! Can you imagine missing her till I actually cried? haha on Christmas, I was webcaming with them and I was so happy till tears actually fell. haha They are all so good..

Hmm, I did well for my foundation. hehe exam is next week, and I hope that I can really do well to keep my standard. I've actually become so much lazier, but then i try not to let that disappoint my parents.

Summary of the year? haha not quite, a very brief summary maybe. I had my ups and downs, and now i'm awaiting what 2012 has for me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

- Carmen

Another season

2011-12-19T01:43:00.000+08:00

Hi blog.

Sorry for abandoning you. You are the only place I can turn to when I'm emo.

Yes, I have been a crazy emo girl lately. I don't know why. I get frustrated easier, think a lot, unhappy a lot. Can you imagine wanting to cry everynight and waking up unhappy, without joy. Oh my goodness, what has happened to my world? I don't know why.

Anyways, new season for me. I wish never go grow up. Seriously.

Maybe alone is better. Because I don't have to be affected by others. Maybe.. It was a wrong decision....

Emo

Now or Never

2011-08-24T03:13:00.000+08:00

Abandoned place.

Anyways, I had so much to say over the month. I've always wanted to blog but was ever too lazy. Wanted to write but still too lazy. People, are just not that simple. There's always no straight path from one way to another. There must be either a big turning to just a detour to somewhere else. Is this protecting? I feel that it's hurting. What is love? Don't trust people with it, they dont treasure. Give ur heart to someone you know is worth it. I gave mine to my special friends. Guys? PFFFFFT never can be trusted. And i'm glad too, or else I'd feel like crap again.

Decisions. Misunderstandings. Awkwardness. Confusion. Enjoyment.
I just love my high EQ xDD
at times jea..

-cArmen

Now

2011-07-02T01:53:00.001+08:00

I'm released from you.
No longer do I feel trapped inside, no longer do I have to worry.
No longer do I feel afraid, no longer do I need to think.
No longer I have to be lied to, no longer do I have to be scared.
No longer do I have to feel sad, no longer do I have to be upset.

No restrictions, everything done without thinking twice.
I'm a free girl :) I'm glad.

Relationships? The only relationship problem I have is with Him. I just can't get enough, forever separated with my sins. haha I'm not a holy person, I just purely love my God so much that I just want to have a pure relationship with Him. He has done so much, my best friend, my Father. Not cause of the religion, but because I have truly experienced Him and I really, really am thankful.

People treat me as a sister. I'm happy. This way, they won't leave me so easily. Others walk in and out. Those who love me without intentions will stay so much longer. Love is purer. But I get discouraged oh so easily. I'm stubborn. If you don't care anymore, you care less, I'm sorry, I wont fight for your attention. Unless, you are as important as God is to me.

I'm not emo anymore, though I may zone out at times. One door closes and another opens. This time, the door opened to me is so much wider. :) I'm filled, with emptiness but with joy as well. Step by step he said. No rush. Just let everything grow naturally. :)

-Carmen

Saying

2011-06-22T02:11:00.000+08:00

Your touch, your hug, your warmth.
More than enough, easily satisfied.

Presentation today. I totally FREAKED OUT. I think because I kept messing up my lines and i dont want to pull others down with me. I was nervous, to the max. No confidence, cause I couldnt remember what to say. In the end I just read from the slides. I wanted to ask for a hug, from anybody because it'll make me feel better. I was even tempted to ask anyone who passed by when I was sitting alone outside the class, which were Noel and Jia Rong, but I didnt, cause they will freak out. In the end no hugs from anyone. hahaha but thank you Noel, Hariz and Kunal for comforting me. Noel doesn't know actually, it was because of his simple words that he just said without intention, I know I'm not alone. Hariz and Kunal who tried to calm me down. And Kunal even wrote this note "YOU CAN DO IT!" on a paper and showed it to me when I was standing in front. All these little things, I felt blessed :)

Tomorrow English, I think I wouldnt be as nervous as today. Don't know what got into me today. Head wasn't straight.

Leng zai or not leng zai, i'm interested in knowing moree ;) no limitations.

qiiuuuuttt <3

-Carmen

2011-06-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

i miss you, i miss you so much.

Heart

2011-06-08T03:05:00.001+08:00

I feel nothing but love. My heart is protected. I'm thankful :)

cupcakesss :)

hehehe just a random picture xD

HOWEVER,

I love everyone but you. I dislike you. You fake, selfish, cunning person. But nor do I hate you. I'm just angry at the way you treat people. Even after I have forgive, the prick will still be there, and the barrier will remain there as well. I don't know, maybe i'm too naive, maybe I dont know the whole story, maybe I'm not smart enough to see. But my heart is not angry and it doesn't hate, stop brainwashing people. You are the perfect example of a small people.

Anyways, I want to fast forward time. Skip, skip, skip this period of time. :)

Not sleeping today again. Rushing English. :(

oh,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABA! :)

My daddy very cute one I tell you. hahaha

i love you!

-Dumbo

Woots

2011-06-06T22:58:00.003+08:00

- DELETED -

3 whole long paragraphs deleted. Private and confidential. :) plus i feel hypocritical =.=

Thank you Pastor for the BIG PEOPLE vs SMALL PEOPLE talk. I'm sure it helped a lot of people. Everyone from City Harvest has been using it lately. "BE A BIG PEOPLE!" :)

BIG PEOPLE, BIG HEART; BIG HEART, BIG LOVE. :)

I went to Malacca for the past 3 days. Upload pics soon.

-Carmen

Twisted

2011-06-06T09:20:00.001+08:00

Suddenly everything twisted into a whole new different manner.
Suddenly things I thought were true were actually not.
Suddenly I'm standing alone on the path, lost.
Suddenly things I trusted turned out to be lies.

Stupidity never leaves.
Deceived over and over again.

Stalker

2011-06-01T02:21:00.000+08:00

Yes, i'm being a stalker now. haha reminded me of the good times, reminded me of the bad times.

Times I missed most, I guess would be in Institut Sinaran, even though i didnt stay long enough, but the half a year was enough for me to meet friends that stays until now when I left. Even though I had an awful first day, but I had a really good time after that. Being in Student Council was fun, however election progress was not that fun, STRESS! xD but it was a surprise that I can be one of them wearing a gold badge xD Met new people, had this thing going on with ehem ehem, hahaha. I think he wouldnt like it if I say his name, but you know who laaa xD Driving around, McD everyday, hanging out! haha then I left.

The day at the airport, quite a lot of people came to send me off. Hugging them one by one, I couldn't stand my tears when I hugged Brandon and Jonathan goodbye. Cried even more when wenjye teared up :/ haha but thanks for coming, it meant a lot.

This was actually the first day i actually hung out with some of them.

They are still remembered, people i find comfort in when i go back :)

Especially tu, tu the yellow shirt hottie. hahaha (Cause he'll be the one reading this xD).

Aaahh, Student Council for half a year. haha 3 left sadly. All came to KL xD

This was taken on the even we all worked so hard for, IS Night.

Especially my dear Jonathan Lee who worked his ass off for it :)

My gang in IS xD they were a big part of me when I was in IS.

Hanging out, gossip, laughing like mad together.

But today, I don't connect well with most of them :/

BUT the few that I still keep in touch with, are so important to me now :)

The day I left. Thank you. :)

Then comes Taylors. Not to say i'm having my best time here, but I met people i love too! The best part about KL would be church and cell group. and the times hanging out with Mr Copycat. xD but yeah, love doesn't come as easy as it had in KK, not as simple as well. I wouldn't say i'm having the greatest time of my life now xD but ok la i guess :) Not that bad. but 2010 was a year to be remembered, drama banyak banyak. 2011, half a year has past, and i have done NOTHING! =.= But this year is a year for God. so work work! Hopefully the next half is going to be better :) more productive. Ministry? :P

Hehehee, he never knew I added his name beside mine when i found out xD

Hehe why the sudden memories? I dont know.. I guess I just miss..

and i'm looking forward to my dreams at night, because I get to be really happy and do things I couldnt do! :P hahahhaa it has been a few nights now. I actually woke up satisfied :D

and FYI! i'm still awake cause i'm doing my assignment. Ngehehehe, slept from 10pm-12am. I have not messed up my sleeping time like this for so long xD but i'm actually doing everything else but assignment. hahaha SELF CONTROLL!!

Pst, pst, I MISS YOU! hehehe! I miss you, i miss him, i miss her, i miss everyone.

-Carrrrmeeen

Ahh

2011-05-26T23:43:00.000+08:00

Oh I see, so that's how things are now. Tsk tsk, tawar hati.

busy busy. SIEN DAO BAO!!

Parents and family coming this saturday! YAY! hehehe miss theeeeeeeem! :(

ah yes, i'm typing one sentence in every paragraph xD

haha Jake and Amir! I LOVE YOU! :PP

BYE!

-carmen

BLIND

2011-05-23T23:59:00.003+08:00

BE BLINDED! BE DEAF!
haha I can't see what you're doing, I can't hear what you are saying.
Not going to be influenced, NOPE.
Not me, of course not me :P
Our world don't turn around each other, we have other people as well.
YES! I have other people, and you have a load more of other people.
Can't see, can't hear, can't read, can't speak!
I'm living in my own world xD

oh yesh, i'm so easily influenced by you. :P

She terasa.

He is insensitive.

She terjudged.

He memang judged.

She said stay away.

They gave reasons.

He tried too hard.

Lots more. haha but I also lazy explain or defend or what laa.. let you all think whatever you want then :P

btw, today is a happier day :)

He ajak.
She listened.
He shared.
We laughed.
He smiled.
He offered.
He crapped xD
She called.
and I loveee :) hehehe

Life is so full of everything ;)

-Carmen

Heartbeat

2011-05-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

My heart is beating fast when I saw your name, it's still beating xD
I guess it's enough, to see your name pops out :P
Xiang nian ni :)

Anyways, church today was super awesome. Brother John Avanzini gave a really good sermon. I didnt expect much today to be honest, because the last time I listened, his words were too deep for me to understand. But today, I learnt a load lot. Hehehe, he said get your EXPECTATIONS high in order to get something higher in return. hehe i'm going to buy his sermon CD :) First time tau, cause it's so good xD and cause i didnt manage to write down notes. hahahaha

I copied this picture from someone in facebook.

Haha this is my church! and that's Brother John.

Worship session was awesome as well. Met someone from Taylors and from Sabah too! I love the last part when there was a surprise birthday celebration for Brother John. hehehe A video from Pastor and family, and a cake and a present! Oh and I forgot to mention, around 1000 people came today. Church was PACKED like crazy.

He has his own wikipedia page! hahahaha xD

Serving. I'm still thinking. hehe I know I want to go for Usher Ministry, but am I ready? :) I can feel my fire coming back. My Father you never failed me :) But i need to work harder too! Focus on YOU, YOU, YOU! :) btw, Jason said today I look more "chan lan". xD I'm sure because He's coming back, or maybe I just woke up from my nap. heheee

Ooops I hear my washing machine singing xD hehe time to hang some clothes. haha

-Carmen

First Love

2011-05-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

"Have you found back your first love?"
"Progressing" xD
hehe, yes i'm trying! Prayed about it, and I can feel something. It's not strong enough yet, but continue to trust and have faith. hehe I know, one day I can do it! :)

Anyways, just found out yesterday that today is suppose to be the end of the world. haha I'm still alive, and we all still are. :P I went out hang kai today, san san xin. After an hour or more then I went to sit down, eat, and wrote my journal. hehehe not finished yet though, cause i have to go church after a while.

"Next time if i go on a holiday, I want to stay at a place like this!"

"Of course, me too." :)

Today's sermon by ShaoHen was good :) hehe he taught us that every problem is something that leads us to success, behind every problem, there is a lesson to be learnt. If your problem keeps coming back to you, that means you have not learn your lesson yet, and God is going to make it keep coming back to you, so that you will learn and move on to the next level. Be creative and faithful when solving your problems, and thankful too! Because by having problems means that you are on the pathway to success :D

Be creative, be a problem solver! :) But I have not much problems to solve. Now my main focus and main problem is YOU!

Sometimes, you can only trust your journal. It won't judge, and it'll always just accepts whatever you say. It won't make you feel worst like how people might. At times, it's better that only you know, don't even bother telling anyone. Either they just listen for the sake of it, they don't care or they'll say things that will not make you feel any better. Complain to your journal, tell your secrets and how you feel. It won't judge like how they did; like how he and she did.

At times, I said what I said is not so you would feel pity for me. At times, I do not want your advice or what so ever. I'm being honest, and tell a truthful answer. But that's it, no more. Sometimes, I don't want to talk about it, i dont want you to tell me what to do, or tell me how i've changed, or even tell me what wrong i've done or how you would do it. Nope. But everyone's like that. Even myself to others.

But then again, why tell others in the first place?

Used to think telling and expressing to people is very good. Guess my mindset has changed. Seen too much, know too much, hurt too much, disappointed too much. Nobody but yourself :) I'm sure everyone experienced that :)

It didn't ring.

-Carmen

Not today

2011-05-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

Didnt go for my 'road trip' today. Woke up lazy, stayed in bed awake for few hours xD In the end, went back to campus, ate my yummy curry fishballs at WK then went back hostel room and pack some clothes to bring back to my house. AFTER THAT I want to go out. haha wanted to go pavillion to shop at first, but it was already 830pm, too late to go. When I reach, they probably close already, so went to Sunway Pyramid instead. Looked for parking for half and hour or so and gave up, I left =.=

Hmm it's another day today. Another lazy day. Not much to say, wonder what's going to happen tomorrow :)

btw, nope, I dont like the way you treat me. You always judge me, but have you ever looked at yourself? Probably maybe because we are close enough, but that doesn't give you the right to not think about my feelings. You said I don't think about yours, that's true, I don't. I treat people the way they treat me. You might think you're always right, you're not, I don't like it. You are not qualified to take care of me.

Hmm, and I regret. I regret all my naive thoughts, my hopeless heart, my dumb decisions, my stupid actions. I regret, I really do. At times I wish none of it ever happened, but where will I be? I might not meet people that matters to me now, I might not be as close to those close to me now. I dont know. But I still regret. NR, I regret everything about you. One thing for sure, I have made a very wrong decision.

What is going to happen? Everything is unpredictable.

My heart and halo and black wings :)

What I draw all the time xD apart from apples. hehe

-Carmen

Stay up :)

2011-05-19T18:18:00.002+08:00

Stay up, stay on top :) but stay quietly.

Anyways, I have no class this week, cause yesterday was my last paper. I'm trying to be more rajin by doing my assignments. haha a lot to do, busy busy busy. All so hard some more :@ Next to do is English crazy essay, and an individual assignment (i forgot which subject, Lol xD). BUT tomorrow i'm going out first, drive around and get lost for a while. hehehee take my mind off things, survive alone xD I really hope it wont rain tomorrow, or else spoiler laa.. There was once I was driving and it was POURING. I was driving 50km/h and I couldnt see anything AT ALL. by far the scariest driving experience ever. everything was all grey and all i could do was just follow the car in front of me =.= zZzz

After I recover, i'm going to try and find back my first love for Him, i'm going to try and grow up. I don't know what is going to happen, I dont really want to know. I want to go back when everything was fine :) I guess that is part of growing up, leaving things you want behind and move on. oh wellss... See, my Peter Pan is going to stay happy :) hehehee I cannot get over him xD so leng zai LOL :PP yes he is my cartoon crush xDD

by the way, where are your friends when you need them? hmmm... :/

W34 and W52. and my house! xD hehehe

Sing Ee and Jacqueling went back to KK :( will miss them.

i love you copycat ♥

-Carmen

Go away

2011-05-18T23:35:00.002+08:00

Go away, leave me alone?

I might be getting a cat :) hehe not sure yet laa.. my mom agrees, Lol surprisingly xD See first laa.. Kesian also if I don't give enough love and care. Probably just go play with Jamie's cat :P

Hehe actually I don't feel like updating much. Wanted to rant but trying to avoid. so think of other things to write about xD Exam finished today, a lot didnt finish English. All are expecting to fail. I don't have high hopes too. seriously for this sem, it's considered very good to just pass. hehe cause of Ms Teh.

By the way, don't keep judging me :/ it's getting annoying. But i'm proud of myself, to be able to resist your temptation. My love has grown, and i'm not coming back xD I know what I want, and you are getting further away from it; a lot of the things you do are backfiring. Oopps. But i'm learning to listen and accept ;)

Hmm, today I reread that special note i got last time, and it brought me to tears.
I have noticed how much it has grown on me.
I know it has for me, but I dont know about 'vice versa'.

What happened?

Karma?

So many things to say. But malas nak write my journal. Remember? hehe or probably just summarise it when i have time xD hmm, May 18, two more weeks. :/

yeap, pointless post xD

-carmen

One day late

2011-05-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's Day! :) hehe one day late, but nevermind, nobody cares xD

What my sister bought for my mom. sooo nice :)

My mom! A picture that reminds me of so many things.

I miss home. I miss everyone. KL is changing me, KK is changing me. In the end I decided, places don't change me, I change myself. But now i want to go back, I want to drive around, drive to places i'm familiar with. I like driving around blindly and long distance when I want to be alone sometimes. Or drive to places I like going. But of course I need to know the roads so I wont get lost. Can't do it in KL, i dont know the roads, even with GPS also I keep turning into wrong junctions.

Tonight, I turned into an abandoned road. Firstly cause I couldn't see clearly at night and I thought it was a road but actually not. It scared me like crazy when I turned it and the road was bumpy and it wasn't a straight road. I turned my steering wheel at the last minute and brake at the last minute when suddenly somethings were blocking my way. It was dark, it was scary. I felt dangerous, I was horrified. I texted someone hoping for some comfort, telling me it's okay. But I kena tegur instead, making me angry and making me feel even worse. Fine, i can do it myself. Reversed back slowly, couldnt even see the roads behind me. But i made it out.

Why do I feel so angry?? Probably cause I just woke up not too long ago before driving. Probably cause I was still disappointed. It's not really the first time, it has been a few times, and i know it's normal, it's suppose to be nothing. But after you say something, my heart will be set to do something. In the end if tak jadi or ffk, I'll feel disappointed and angry. Because my heart is let down. Of course it depends, if i dont care about you, then i dont care, i dont mind. Promises and words, how far can they go?

Something happy. Some place i like going. A corner in a bookstore, with quotations all around. How much more cozy can it get? ;) Let's go back.

Couldn't agree more.

"Books are not made for furniture,

but there is nothing else that so beautifully furnishes a house

-- Henry Ward Beecher"

Finally had my mille crepe and macaron. I want to go back again. :)

"Bring back all the past glory to presence."

As easy as it sounds, I can't do it just like that.

It's probably my problem, but I feel too ashamed.

-Carmen

Byee

2011-05-08T23:18:00.001+08:00

I deactivated my FB. don't ask why xD

What's happening?

2011-05-05T03:25:00.000+08:00

Quiet, conservative, I'm not my old self anymore. I guess to be completely honest, I do know the reason but I am not strong in mind enough to admit it, my heart is in total conflict with my brain. I followed my brain once, maybe this time I can take the other way :) At times, i do know what is happening, but I just pretend that I dont. I dont want to fight for anything anymore, what's the point when it keeps going back to square one?

I'm still awake, doing my assignment. I've been busy. hahaha and i've been tired x) hopefully this ends soon, but then not really. ending means end of foundation. Goodbye 3.1, goodbye foundation, goodbye easier work, hello degree and stress =.= AT LEAST Rachel and Siew Ting will still be there, I dont have to go through the 'make new friends' process again. xD

Hmm, i'm going to get one ice cream, and sleep :P

-Carmen

Away

2011-04-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

Goodbye :)

Dear diary, so many unspoken words...

Words that need not be understood.

Words only I understand.

-carmen

Sunshine

2011-04-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

I want to be the sunshine! :) No more the emo :P I have everything else in the world. Making people happy is also a happy thing to do!

Haha wrote that quite some time ago but didnt get the time to finish. Class has started for 2 weeks and I know that this sem is going to be a busy sem. Videos assignments and writing assignments. A lot to do, need to study myself more since I can't understand the lecturers (some laaaa). Rajin abit can?

Unexpected things happened, good and bad. And I got flowers! hehe thanks everyone who gave me gifts xD hahaha they are very pretty. Don't die please?

Things are different now. It's like history repeating but clearer. Is the pain going to be any less I don't know, is the friend lost going to come back again i'm not sure. I can't hear what God is saying, or is it because I dont want to listen so I couldnt?

I want to do more things to help me grow, starting in cell group. Position yourself to be last and serve others before being the first and be served. Always be willing to learn. I'm stubborn, I dont like being criticized, but I'll try to accept. Must listen with an open heart right? Train to stretch my heart. It may be stretched to accepting faults and flaws, but i dont think it will ever be stretched enough to lose someone I dearly care for.

When someone is important to you, it may be a one way thing. I care for you a lot, specially and differently but who am I? Am I the only one that cares a lot lot lot? I dont care like that for a lot of people, but I know you do to a lot. Mmmm, I'm afraid. Yes I'm like that. I always feel like that, not worthy enough. Maybe because I really am afraid. Hmm no I'm not crazy, I just dont take you lightly.

-Carmen

No

2011-04-03T09:24:00.001+08:00

I do not want to wake up like today anymore.
I've been waking up happy these few days, I have been waking up with God.
Today I woke up with your voice, your coldness, your dream; I woke up in disappointment.
I started my days with smiles and hopes these few days,
Today I start my day thinking how much Imy.

No, not anymore.. :/

I want to be the sunshine! :))
I Love You, I Love You, I Love You. God, please stay with me forever :)

And btw, better update less status xD So my blog will be my next status. haha more private ;)

-CARMEN

2011-03-31T00:30:00.002+08:00

Improve :)

Love

2011-03-29T00:55:00.001+08:00

Thank God for the chances, thank God for the opportunities.
Thank God for the blessings.
I am soooo FULL of LOVE right now; I want to burst and give some to everyone. I can't explain, it's hard to explain. I want to help every chance I can get. TRYing to love is not enough, we must also TRAIN to love (hehe what i learnt in Chinese service)

Thank God for Saturday, Thank God for Sunday, Thank God for yesterday, and Thank God for today.
Everyday, I have something to be thankful for. For the events, for the courage, for the tolerance, for the knowledge and for the love. Seeing someone else happy is a really happy thing, especially if you are the one who is making the person happy. Sharing the word of God and testimonies, is an amazing thing. I may not be a pro, but I was satisfied. Seeing her smile, seeing her hope, seeing her curiosity, seeing her wanting to be closer to Him, it was, great :)

W52 & W34. After multiplication.

I sound different all of a sudden. 2011 is going to be a different year.

Too much to express.
Let's hope emoness will stay away from me ;)

-carmen

Hello

2011-03-25T00:55:00.000+08:00

Let's take a break from the emo-ness. Disney made me think of my childhood, they make me happy :))

Do you remember all those cartoons you watched when you were young? Those classic movies, those that teaches us things. Like Pinocchio, we used to always say don't lie or else your nose will grow! haha Cinderella, good girl will get the good guy (haha what I learn xD). Snow White, stepmothers are evil (also what I absorbed). Mulan, always protect your family and home. Aiya, banyak la.. hahah

My favourite is Beauty and the Beast :) My favourite princess too.

I dont like Snow White, dont know why. haha fake? I used to think Jasmine from Aladdin is ugly, but now I see, she's one of the prettiest :) Aladdin also very leng zai. OH! I used to have a crush on Peter Pan. hahahah xD SO CUTE!! and FUN! :D hehee

Missed out movies like Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc. etc etc. A LOT!

Other non-disney movies I miss is Anastasia and Swan Princess. hehe :)

Oh and I find this funny. haha xD SPOILER ALERT! :PP it's a video that spoils 50 disney movie's ending. I haven't heard some of them.

And they live HAPPILY EVER AFTER! hahahahah xD

Gosh I miss Disney. Being born in the 90s is the BEST! everything is nice. Movies are nice, Musics are nice. haha or it could be because when we were young, we've set the first things we see as the standard. Movies now are different, Disney I mean, especially. :/ Camp Rock, HSM, those Jonas Brothers movies, I dont really watch. It's not that it's not nice, but it's not the ones i like x)

OMG, Do you remember THAT'S SO RAVEN??? Awesome show. How come it's not on TV anymore? :(

Disney is my favourite. My kids MUST watch what I have watched. :) MUST! and that's all they are going to watch xD

-Carmen

Sorry

2011-03-23T02:27:00.000+08:00

Sorry, another emo post xD

I feel very empty lately.

Rationally, I should be happy and contented. I am, I'm contented, but am i happy?
At moments, yes; but it never lasts. Something will happen and cut my heart. It may not be deep, but a slight cut, like a deeper paper cut xD

anyways, lazy write more.
I'll cry myself to sleep now.

2011-03-23T01:44:00.000+08:00

I've made the wrong decisions.
I opened up too much, and now i keep getting hurt and disappointment in return.

Trust nobody but yourself.
What's the point of loving and trusting?
Everyone will forever remain selfish.

-carmen

2011-03-19T12:00:00.002+08:00

The sudden emo-ness is killing meeeeeeee

Angry

2011-03-16T19:21:00.001+08:00

All the negative feelings.
Suddenly everything is ruined.
What was I even thinking.

Back

2011-03-14T14:21:00.002+08:00

I'm back in KL. My new house here is just great. :) It's comfortable, it's awesome. Cant wait to actually live here, and bring Rachel, Siew Ting and Jeremiah here too. Stefan too if he's coming next year. haha but i'll have to work to keep the house clean. It'll be something for me to work harder on, haha since i'm so so lazy.

Living room :) haha plus a bit of the dining room.

Cause all of the stars, have faded away,

Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday.

Take what you need, and be on your way,

and stop crying your heart out.

-- Oasis

Hmm, I think i've lost my identity. I used to know who i am, what I want and what I like. Now, I'm changing to whole new different person. When people ask me things about me, I dont really know how to answer. I dont know anything anymore. Things I liked to do, I dont enjoy as much anymore; Things that I used to do, I dont do anymore. hmm, guess it's time to know myself again. Another phase of life? Or another chance in life? :)

Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?

Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?

-- Oasis

I went to chuch yesterday. It was awesome as usual. I miss City Harvest so much when I was still in KK. My heart is there now. I want to go back, and worship over and over again. I felt so good to be back there again. I grow most there, it helped me grow with God. Thank you City Harvest, Thank you Pastor Kevin. :) You're one of the very few things i missed in KL.

Wait for something better,

No one behind you,

Watching your shadows.

You gotta be stronger than the stories.

-- The Killers

I hate waking up every morning. It's not the laziness, it's the disappointment. I don't understand why i'm still holding on the hope. Sometimes I want to just tell you that I hate you and please disappear from my thoughts. I know all the facts, I know all the judgement, I know; so why??? I don't feel happy anymore. :/ I dont act sad, but I'm just not happy. Lotsa other things, I know, but it's not the same. Please go away. but I cannot bear to leave. shoooooooot meeeeeeee

Pray for Japan. I cannot understand the pain, but I can only pray. God is love, i've experienced that :) Feeling mean or feeling-less? Pray and love you will feel :)

-Carmen

Maybe

2011-03-11T11:05:00.001+08:00

He said I'm actually feeling lonely. I was silent for a while, I wanted to deny the fact, because i'm not.
He said I don't feel the same being here anymore. I too was silent, who else do I have? Keeping the close ones and not the so close ones distant apart.
He said he's glad to see me grow, I'm glad to have him helping me whenever I turn to him.
He said he learnt a lot from me, I laughed, because I was the one learning from him.
He said something that made my day, gave me something full of sincerity.
He is like the brother I never had, Robert, never forget who am I. :)

Maybe, he is right. Maybe, I do feel empty.

So I'm going KL this saturday. Can't say i'm not looking forward to it. But can't say that I am. haha Can see some friends that i miss dearly. But might not have anything to do either. I'm trying to post something happier. Guess life isn't that interesting lately.

Pon and Zi time then ;)

This is super sweet :) haha sooo cute!

Is is wrong to stay up till very late at night still waiting for you? ;)

-Carmen

Hmm

2011-03-10T13:51:00.001+08:00

If it is not your first intention, if it is just a back up plan;
If doing it is just for making up, if doing it is your duty;
I rather you all not do anything at all.
If you thought I have nobody else, if you thought I was alone;
You all are so wrong..

I dont need insincerity. I dont need making up.
I dont want fake care, I dont want fake effort.
If it's not for me, then it's not.
I dont like how I'm the back up plan.
I dont like how I was 顺便 included in your plan.

I dont feel very good. I dont feel very nice.
Tears that almost fell, I dont know if it were tears of hurt, or tears of joy.
That's why I rather nobody know.
Cause sincerity is what I want, it's all that I care.
And this is not sincerity that I feel.

-Carmen

Lovee

2011-03-10T00:05:00.003+08:00

ahh yes, when you are in LOVE, all you want to do is just to talk about your memories, your boyfriend or girlfriend, talk about what happy times you've been through, talk about what problems and all sorts. Yes, when you are in love, you and her have the whole world to yourselves. I see my friend, talk about his love non-stop. haha I was once like that too.. I have nobody else in my world. Just me and him, I lost my friends, my best friend went to find other friends, all i needed was him. Break up, i went to my best friend. and I was still so full of him. bothering my best friend for such small problems. hahaha so naive. but I think, everyone will go through this at least once in their life >:) but i learnt my lesson :) I'm better now. haha though I still do talk about my problems. but slowly learning not to :) That was 5 years ago? haha first love :P

and wow, 5 years. that's a really long time ago. initially I was thinking 2 years. hahaha oh how time flew. and i'm still attracted to him, as in think he's very leng zai. hahahaha :P shhhh... dont tell him. hahahaha!!

I'm listening to The Killers. Ahh the memories. and was listening to a few of Oasis songs. I never listened before, I KNOW, SO SAD xD they're not bad :) I like. hehe

Stop crying your heart out - Oasis

Mr Brightside - The Killers
Don't you just miss this song? :)

Somebody Told Me - The Killers

hahaha i notice i can post The Killers's songs forever. so yeah, i'll stop here xD okay maybe one more. hahaha

Read my mind - The Killers

-Carmen

Story

2011-03-09T11:16:00.000+08:00

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guestroom. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "How could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.

"Things aren't always what they seem."

The moral of this story:

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every out come is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

Happy Birthday

2011-03-07T23:41:00.033+08:00

Happy Birthday! :)

I'm happy today. Because wishes meant a lot lot more. I didn't do anything extraordinary, but I spent my time with my closest ones. It went a lot better than I expected. God even spoke to me too! indirectly. hehehe. it's not really something good though. But He showed signs of forgiveness :) <3 Thank You!

I'm content! Very happy. very thankful :) I kept it as a secret, cause I want it to be just another day. But it was such a great day :) I dont need parties, I dont need presents, I dont need thousands of greetings, just the ones who remember, the ones I care even if there isn't a lot. Because it's the thought and the heart that counts.

I'm 19 years old now :) Growing up so fast :P hahahaha I have lists of things I want to change or improve. :)

My family :)

Thank you for a blessed birthday :)

More to come

2011-03-06T21:38:00.000+08:00

Halfway through the wedding,

the bride's dad suddenly walked away and hid in the corner, crying.

He thought about what his daughter said when she was young;

how she kept saying that when she grew up, she wants to marry her dad.

It was all a lie.

The first time I wanted to commit suicide, the weather was not very nice.

Last night, she said somethings that are hurtful,

I was mad at her for the whole day.

I want her to feel what pain feels like,

I want her to feel sorry and regret.

(but will my soul be able to be by her side and comfort her?)

But what if she's only sad for a while, and she'll forget me?

Or that she desperately needed comfort,

and fall in love with the bastard who was beside her?

(will my soul be able to stop all these?)

Or what if, I would meet a girl cuter than her,

and has no temper.

(are souls allowed to go out with humans?)

The first time I escaped from the dead,

The moon came out from the dark and cloudy sky.

He never said that he loves me.

The night of the storm, he came from far away, I cried as I told him:

"I dont think I can make it, the water has risen up to my abdomen."

We tried very hard to walk through the flood, under the crazy storm,

until we reach somewhere safe. We were overwhelmed and teared.

He said proudly, :"you see, I told you we'd make it!"

But he never said he loves me.

We have our own interpretation to all these different stories. Among all, these 3 are my favourite. #1 is beautiful but sad. #2 is just true. We stay for the ones we love, we stay to make others happy. We stay because there is hope, and with hope, there will be a future. Don't ever give up. I relate most to #3. We go through a lot together, but never was it love from him.

I guess I dont really have the greatest week. and i know there are more disappointments to come. I don't really have much to say even though a lot had happened. I have been crying more, and laughing less. With God, with family, with friends, with this guy; I'm struggling. It's not very bad, i'm not complaning about it. I still have a good life. But it could be better.

Learning to live without you. Start over.

-Carmen

All about your heart

2011-03-01T20:06:00.001+08:00

All about your heart - Mindy Gledhill

I don't mind your odd behavior

It's the very thing I love

If you were an ice cream flavor

You would be my favorite one

My imagination sees you

Like a painting by Van Gogh

Starry nights and bright sunflowers

Follow you where you may go

Oh, I've loved you from the start

In every single way

And more each passing day

You are brighter than the stars

Believe me when I say

It's not about your scars

It's all about your heart

You're a butterfly held captive

Small and safe in your cocoon

Go on you can take your time

Time is said to heal all wounds

Like a lock without a key

Like a mystery without a clue

There is no me if I cannot have you

Another BEAUTIFUL song. I love it, i love it. So calm, so soothing. Like Summer, it touches my heart too :)

I've been watching 你们我们他们 on TV when i'm free lately. It's 10 episodes of short stories about romance. It'll show really cute comics before and after the episode and I tried searching for it on the internet. Found out that it's actually from a book. It talks about romance and love. Not describing it, but more like random thoughts going through the minds of people.

Some that made me think..

She never told him that, the moment he was sacrificing

his own safety and was determined to pluck that flower for her,

that was when she decided to leave him.

She couldnt bear the stubbornness of this love...

When someone was sacrificing for you, love you like no other, and was willing to do anything for you, you decided to leave. I guess this goes for those who would get jealous when you are too close to someone, or being too clingy or care too much. But none the less, the person still loves; and because you couldn't stand it or take it, you left for your own selfishness. Leaving the other broken and clueless..

He said :"Love me."

I said :"Leave the proof of your love."

He said :"Don't love me."

I said :"Get rid of the proof of our love."

Those couples who treat love as a game,

when they are in the heat of their love, they carved down the proof of their love on the tree.

However after they break up, they do whatever they can to get rid of the mark.

The tree thinks that all these are just hurt that can be healed,

it will still grow healthily and strongly.

But our love that is taken lightly,

is blown away with the leaves during fall.

That can't be more true. Love is not love anymore. We get together for the sake of getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. We are taken love so lightly, without understand the real meaning of it. When we want it, we say that we treasure it and will always remember it; but when all has ended, we throw everything away, might be hurting those around us as well. Be like the tree, growing up strongly with the scars. :)

Hmm, there are still a few more. The one that I relate to most I'll post next time. Cause it's dinner time! haha mommy just got back, so eat dinner with her and have mother daughter bonding time. hahahhahaa ;)

-carmen

Road Trip

2011-02-28T20:06:00.001+08:00

So I had a really fun day yesterday ;) haha i'm lazy to type it all out again, so i'm going to copy and paste from facebook xD

After our last minute lunch at Tuaran, we almost got lost on the way to Rasa Ria. Then TIBA TIBA pass by the crocodile farm and decided in less than 3 seconds to go play. Used up most of our energy here cause of the shouting and running xD

Me, WenJye, Alex and the snake ;)

After that, finally found Rasa Ria, walked under the super hot sun but with a really nice view. After sitting down a while, we had coconut pudding on our way back home.

This is Rasa Ria.

It feels really nice to just sit here and enjoy the breeze. Wanted to nap..

The beach

Uss!!

Coconut Pudding! :)

SYOKNYAAAAA =D

I'm uploading a video of us feeding the otters in facebook. Still in progress la. Will post the link here when it's done. Go see eh, kesian the fishes, their heads kena bite off =(

Next trip, we're going up Mount KK. hahahhaha xDD

Then at night we had a surprise birthday party for Federick. When he came out from his house, they shoot fireworks and sang happy birthday. haha we were one day late actually. And his brother said he was actually waiting for a surprise the day before, but kesian him, lonely birthday. hahahha

oh, and I kena sot last night. hahaha wah, haven't had that feeling for quite some time. who knows kan, few years later when we meet again after uni. hahahaha hard to say. what every girl wants xDD

Oh yes, I have something to show.

Blessing dear, this reminds me of what you said before. haha :)

cute sangat.

Hope you're holding up fine :)

-Carmen

Unpredictable

2011-02-26T12:34:00.000+08:00

Things can be so unpredictable at times. You never know what is going to happen next. That is what makes life interesting, what makes life wonderful, and yet what makes life scary. The expected didn't happen, but the unexpected happened. I guess never try to guess God's plans, just let it flow :)

I went to Sutera Harbour again yesterday. Had this sudden urge to sit at the shoreline and watch sunset. But I cant sit where I always sit anymore, cause they don't let us climb over anymore :( the put up plants to block it. Oh well, just stood there and watch the sea. Then went to somewhere to just sit, and do what I want to do. I could sit the forever, it was so calming :) I lost the urge to watch the sun and just sat there and read.

awww, I lost the sunset picture we took last time :(

After that went to dinner with Jonathan! :D Had 30 wo tie and mee goreng for 2 person. haha even the auntie said :"你们两个很厉害". but it was so nice. I thought I couldnt finish, but it was too tasty xD After that went to movies with GCC friends, watched I AM NUMBER FOUR. Then dinner at McD again. haha My son spending me last night =P Went home at around 1am. And I scratched my car =/

I stood there looking at the screen, thinking and thinking again what I should do.

Refrain? Ignore? Tried to, Who was I kidding.

I was used again, because I couldn't bear leaving.

But if it were me? Would it be cold shoulders in return?

But one day, I know, I will stand up straight and push far away :)

-Carmen

Secrets;

2011-02-25T11:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, things or feelings cannot be expressed with words, cannot at all. You just feel like bursting instead, and let it all out.

I've always said that I want to help others, be a blessing to others. But have I really been doing it? I thought I was trying, but instead I found out that I'm not. Instead of helping, I made it worse? I'm not saying I did it to everyone, just the ones that I'm really close to, particularly just one actually. I wasnt even trying, I did nothing at all. Just random talking, that's it. But all of a sudden I'm told that I pull that person away from God and other really hurtful things, and it is your closest friend who is telling you that. Imagine the hurt and disappointment.

And on the same day when I found out some family matter, when I dont know what to do. When I wanted to help but couldn't. All I can see is hearts are broken. I wanted to turn to that friend of mine after turning to God, but guess I have nobody but myself.

The thing Im most hurt is that is that what I have been doing for God? But I have done nothing very wrong, I have been good.

The hurt and disappointment doesnt end there. I have found my biggest regret in life.

My biggest regret is that I was used, and was not loved; and to only realize it now when it is too late.

It is a very big discouragement for me. I need someone to talk to, but who? I want someone close to God to tell me that God still loves me, He is not going to abandon me, that He will help me. Then I think again, why bother? Everyone has their problems, mine would be minor compared to theirs. Fix it yourself.

I have lost my identity. I dont know who I am anymore. I have not felt so lost in my life.

-carmen

Secret;

2011-02-23T19:56:00.002+08:00

Forget, forget, forget.
Sooooooooooooo stupid =.=

Beautiful Song

2011-02-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Omgosh, it is sooo beautiful. I want to learn this badly. But it is not easy at all.

Been feeling quite frustrated lately. Reasons I rather not say it here. Is it my problem? Hmm, I dont know. Actually no problem la, just that I feel bu shuang only. Have we distant apart? or is it because I'm being too 'whatever?'. This has always been a problem; by being too nice and not calculative, people tend to take advantage of you and bully you in some ways. So how? Protect yourself? Or do the right thing?

Want to go watch quite a lot of movies. And I dislike this feeling of ffk-ness. xD haha why the sudden frustration? Eh...

Went out with Jon today, cyber and dinner and luk luk and talks :D hehe so long already didnt spend time with him. I felt REALLY happy today to see him, and he made my day xD Thank you Jonathan. And we won Dota! hahaha xD no thanks to me xD

Oh, yes I love you :)

-Carmen

Be myself;

2011-02-18T19:05:00.001+08:00

Be myself; be someone you are suppose to be. Which one should I be? People would always say :"Be yourself." yeah right, by being yourself, you would be judged.

As a girl, I like to do things guys like to do. I like showing them that I am not weaker than them, that I can also be as good as them, though I really AM not as good as them, but at least I can do it, that I would try. I like to play pool, I like to go cyber and play dota, CS, L4D, I like to drive really fast, I always hang out with guys (not intentionally but I click with guys easier) which is the worst, because some people who just got to know you will look at you in a different way. Lately as I got to know a few people more, they kept asking me "Why are you always with guys?", "Guys again =.=", "Guys are your best friend?". It gets annoying, cause that's who I am, those are my friends, I dont really get to chose who I want to click with.

I might not care if I get support from my friends, but some even encourage me to hang out less with guys and stop learning all those guys activities. Hmm, if I dont do that, what else can i do? haha but on the bright side, I may like to do guys stuff, but i'm still quite girly :P which is good. haha best of both worlds ;)

Oh well, i wont stop hanging out with my friends, maybe less with those i'm not that close to la. xD hahaha berat sebelah, but that what you want!! and play less dota xD that day at cyber when i play, the other team was shocked that a girl was playing. THATS THE FEELING I LIKE! haha SEE! GIRLS CAN ALSO PLAY!! xDD

hahaha going to see musical fountain later :D and sadly, i'm getting sick.

still miss tawau. :(

-carmen

Valentines

2011-02-15T18:55:00.000+08:00

This year's valentines day is different, fun, full of laughter, love, friends, care and memorable. Almost every year, I have a valentine, sending love around, presents, notes and things like that. But this year I may not have one or even want one, I had great fun with a lot of people. Did things I've never did before and talked to a lot of people. Sharing and caring for one another. I love it when my friends open up to me.

Aiya, no pictures though.

I think i'm in a new chapter now, finally. haha i've opened my eyes and see, opened my heart and feel, opened my mind and think, opened up my soul and love :) Can bah, it's not really that hard. haha i'm me, I can do it. Like i said before, I dont need insincere people in my life.

haha bah kan, so true. hahaha i find it funny xD

Reminder : Just be myself.

-carmen

SWEET!

2011-02-12T19:49:00.000+08:00

This song is awesome. haha it's sooooo sweeet. I love it. hehe :)

我们的爱，变成精灵环绕，

我会让你感到比童话更美妙。

我们的歌，变成爱的广告，

诉说着相爱的味道。

Anyways, just got back from my 3 days trip to Tawau. It's a very small town, where I was born, but I had the most amazing bonding time there. I haven't seen my cousins for a few years, and they've all grown up to be really cute and good and nice. haha I had so much fun. Berat hati nak leave them today. Surely will miss them a lot. Hope to see them soon :D

All 5 of them :)

Us Girls :P

可爱的彤彤

Miss them already. A house so full of warmth and LOVE. 姐姐很舍不得你们，你们太可爱了。See you all soon k? :)

I've also learnt a lot of things lately. 家家有本难念的经。I'm also happier, cause I've seen more and I have opened up my mind. 儿女私情，算得是什么。There are a lot more things, a lot of other important things than just a guy. I'm giving all of myself to God, because He will lead my way ;) Just like how he had planned my trip to Tawau and see all these other love and problems, I've let go and I'm happier :) Thank God.

-Carmen

Sigh

2011-02-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to say otherwise, but i'm really unhappy this Chinese New Year. things happen, things come, things go, things stay, you love, you smile, you cry, you feel lucky. Mixed feelings. To count my blessings, I should be a lot happier :) but I cant make my decision, I cant make that choice for my new beginning.

I dont know.. I cannot oh. I cannot. Too weak to do anything. It's all choices, I cant make my choice! I cant make that decision. Answers are all given to me, all truth, all secrets, everything I should know. SIGHHHH no more sweet dreams. No more waking up happy. No more, no more nothing, no more everything.

Emo oh. again.

sorry..

-carmen

;(

2011-01-28T21:40:00.004+08:00

go away you big disappointment. you're taking it for granted. another goodbye coming soon.

Anyways, holidays! happy CNY friends :) hope you will enjoy. :) Finally, a new new year, hoping for a new new chapter. hehehe

So moodless lately :/ everything so down, so dull. haha BUT, hope i'll have a good relaxing time back at home. Tomorrow night! *love*;

I'm waiting :)

-Carmen

=?

2011-01-27T00:49:00.002+08:00

My life is very messed up now. keep slacking around, keep playing games, not studying when i'm suppose to, and keep wanting to just have fun. :O i just cant wait until the holidays. two more days! and 2 months free! :)

My Journal.

I write, and I write. And i'm staying at the same chapter forever. Whenever it feels like it's turning into a new one, it's the same thing over again. I dont know why i'm still doing it. I dont see any light.

Happiness by A.R. Bernard.

Happiness is a way of mind.

- Hapiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends upon what you think.

- Every good though you think is contributing its share to the ultimate result of your life.

- Our lives are what our thoughts make them.

Happiness is love.

- He who is filled with love is filled with God Himself.

- Love stretches your heard and makes you big inside.

Happiness is activity with purpose.

- 10 years from now you will be somewhere-- the question is where? You have the power to make that determination. And remember: it's not about earning a living; it's about designing a life.

hehe my daily reading material :)

Just finished english today. BCP this friday. Goood luck!

-Carmen

Exams

2011-01-25T21:42:00.001+08:00

too stressed to write anything. hope i wont do too badly.

i'm already disappointed with my current marks.

I want a mark i'm satisfied with. :(

5Layers

2011-01-23T19:41:00.004+08:00

5 layers to go through before finally saying I Love You to your spouse.

1. Anger

2. Hurt

3. Fear

4. Regret.

5. Need

- By Ps Kong Hee

Waiting to get the full version of it, sounds really good :)

I went to Chinese Service today to support Miah playing drums so that he could go teman me buy things later xD and also to listen to Ps Kevin preach cause yesterday was JinChong. Both were really really good. Ps Kevin is just awesome beyond words. :) He shared his proposal story today to Chinese church. It was my 2nd time hearing it cause first time was in english service. 2nd time hearing and it did not fail to bring me to tears again. It was just so.. nice :) Spending all the extra money he had left from finally paying off his debts, he bought a ring and flew all the way to Aust to find his lovely girlfriend. Sooo nice.. I wouldnt mind hearing it again.

Exams is this week! and i'm still online, addicted to games and youtube. hahaha STUDY PLEASE!! xD havent watch jake and amir for sooo long. haha

This saturday i'm going home! :) Happy CNY :D

-Manman

Simple

2011-01-22T23:22:00.004+08:00

All I need is your heart, everything from your heart.

Is that so hard?

Starting to grow tired of your "just sayings".

-Carmen

Genting

2011-01-20T22:43:00.008+08:00

Went to Genting Highlands yesterday for our daigor, Jason Tham's birthday!! Had the greatest time with them, such awesome people. Laughed like SERIOUSLY crazy. and pillow talk late late late at night when everyone is asleep. :) Shared our stories, shared our opinions, shared a closer bond. Before cell group started, they were all playing pillow fight and it was sooo funny. hahaha I laughed till I couldnt get up xD

PillowFight xD

During cell group at 11pm+, Jason was surprised with a cake and a gift filled with love. hehe

Our beloved Jason :)

hehe I think it's a first time ever for people to have cell group in Genting xD it wasnt a very formal one. It was more casual, and more heartfelt words were told. W52 is splitting soon, I dread for that day to come. Jason gave really good advices to us; David preached a really nice sermon :)

Cell Group

After cell group ended at around 1am, we decided to walk around downstairs even though all shops are closed. We took seriously a lot of pictures, and we could even stay at the side of the road just to take pictures for more than half an hour. haha.

Those of us who were too young to go look around in casino xD

We took a lot of random pictures, funny pictures, love filled pictures and 'big head' pictures. That's what we do best, W52 takes pictures xD That's why we have a lot of memories together. I've not been in this cell group for long, and it's my first time in a cell group, but I know that this cell group bonds better. I mean, who goes to Genting Highland for cell group, and as a celebration for Jason and as an outing? And to share secrets with a few of them when others are all asleep, after a whole day of fun. haha it's just awesome beyond words.

A few of us didnt sleep, and walked to the malls nearby again. Went back after an hour or two which was around 9am, and waited for the others to wake up, which was SUPPOSED to be at 10am. But we all fell asleep; and I slept on the floor xD then in the end, all woke up at 11am+. Checked out, and walked around shopping again till afternoon.

Pictures are all in facebook. I would upload a group photo, but I dont have it in my phone. It's with Esther, and will upload when I get it. hehe

I like the way we smile :)

_______________________________________

Was really happy today, then my good mood was ruined cause of some misunderstanding. Sigh.. Maybe it's a sign? I don't know, but going home soon anyways. And moving soon too! :D but exam is coming :/

-carmen

Wong Poh

2011-01-17T10:21:00.003+08:00

Had dinner last night with my dad, Uncle William and his Family, Uncle James and Miah. Heehee I like bringing miah to have dinner with us, it's funny to see his reaction to certain things xD but thank youu, McGorgeous for coming, I know you were tired :) oh yes, we ate at this restaurant called "Wong Poh". Their seafood is awesomee! hehe veryy nice ;)

My BCP Portfolio is finished! :D hehe now left Oral Presentation. Need find pictures for my slide. Need to find content for my speech. haha LAST! Then examss :S Jamie coming on Tuesday, wee~ :)

Need to get ready for class now. I've skipped morning class. :/

Did last night just happened? :)

-Carmen

Lifeless

2011-01-16T17:55:00.003+08:00

Stressnya.. i've been doing BCP portfolio non-stop for two days now. why so long? distractions xD but I did a lot, been staying in front of the computer for sooo long. I'm going blind. Then when I stood up to relax, I notice I have nowhere to go in my room, it's so small, I feel trapped. It's like a luxurious prison cell. I'm going crazy soon. Last last last, finally almost finish already this stupid portfolio. Then after I finish, need to think of ways to print it in a booklet form =.= After that, Oral presentation which is going to be presented either tomorrow or tuesday. OMGOSH STRESSNYA!! havent started. sigh..

A snapshot of my work. This is what I've been working on for the past 2 days. Not finished yet. :/ hao fan.. ngai mm zhong yi ;(

I'm in prison. Eat, sleep, sit in front of comp, and it keeps on repeating. What a life; lifeless ;) Fast forward time to Chinese New Year please! I cant wait to be home. :) oh, and I want to improve Hakka! gao ngai gong, ngai mm hiao. ;D

I'm transparent. Hmm, yes I am. I tell you now la, benci you. hmmph.. I hate that you keep giving me this feeling over and over and over again. and then you walk away!! :'(

-Carmen

Heart

2011-01-14T17:02:00.004+08:00

They who leave a mark in my heart. ♥

Taken during SC camp.

Jonathan Lee

My best friend, helped me through everything, shared everything, tell each other everything. Among all my friends, my family trusts you most and like you most and is most familiar with you. Thank you my ji mui, for always sticking up for me, for always wanting to kill those who were hurting me, for always picking me up and bring me out, for still looking for me always even when we are so far, in short, for everything you do la! Please don't ever push me aside, I cannot imagine it without you as my friend. ♥

Taken in my car in KK.

WenJye

My dear, I dont know you for a very long time, but you are my really good and close friend. I trust you, and hopefully you trust me the same. We laugh, we play, we can do everything together. Your laugh brings laughter to others and I love being with you :P I'm lucky be in the same class as you in Institute Sinaran, we grew closer and even sat together. You were the first friend I made in IS, and at first I thought you were quiet and shy, oh, how wrong was I. xD You're a really awesome person you know that? Anybody who couldnt see it doesnt have a brain. I miss you! ♥

Taken during IS Sports Day.

Jamie Chia

Oh Jamie, what else can I say about you? hahaha we've been through sooo much together. Remember all those things we've been through? All those fun, all those laughter, all those secrets, all the love, all those hurt, and all those hatred. I'm sorry for what I have done, and thank you for forgiving me. But that's what best friends are right? Still sticking with each other no matter what. Yes, we've been through the worst, and I hope that our bond will be as strong as ever. We laughed about the smallest things, we get the joke even without having to explain or say anything and we shared everything to each other. Thank you Jamie :) ♥

Taken at Institut Sinaran staircase.

Brandon Shen

Hahaha we shared a lot together too. Since what? Form 2, I think, it started to progress xD We start to get close each other, and you said something that to me, is the sweetest among everything else. It is what I remember most. Staying as the bestest friend even though after the break-up, is what's most special about us. People always don't get, but we do. :) You take really good care of me and teach me things like my big brother, or like my daddy. hehe. Hmm, but we're not as close anymore, because you are always busy. Don't forget me ehh :P but I know our bond is still there. ♥

Taken in Taylor's 24/7 Study room.

Jeremiah Vun

Aahhh yess. You xD We've been through really different and unusual things to where we are today. We get to know each other since form 2, though Xanga, which I find really funny. But something happened, and we stopped talking to each other for 3 years. I'm glad to see each other again in IS, and started our friendship again. I always have fun with you, but you do make me really angry at times :P Now we are both at Taylor's and I thank God for that :) You're a really smart and talented person. You teach me a lot of things. I always go to you whenever I'm unhappy, beacuse you always have the ability to make me forget ;) ♥

I love you all, so much :) Thank you for being in my life, thank you for caring, thank you for loving. I can never ask for better people in my life. I know that I can always count on you all :) haha but there's exception la :P All of you made a difference in my life, all of you helped me through tough times, all of you bring the light into my world :) ♥

-Carmen

Very very muchh

2011-01-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

LAZY!! I feel sooooo lazy..

Had fun with Siew Ting today. Haha watched Piranha with her after I borrowed her laptop. Ahhh, the tension. Stupid show, so disgusting =.= not saying that it's bad la.. haha it's just that, it's very sad.. Then went to B-station and talked and eat ;)

My computer busted =.= everything on my desktop gone, all my downloads gone, all my games gone, even my pinyin thing is gone. Grrrrr... sighhh... Luckily my assignments are saved in documents. or else..!! Dieee.. Thank God for that, haha cause I usually save my assignments on desktop also. Dont know why the sudden change of mind xD

and believe it or not, I'm drawing! hahahaha something new. well, not that i never tried, it's too ugly and bad for me to continue. haha but i want to improve. Was inspired by Inzhu few months back, her drawings are incredible. Bought the things, but lazy wanna start. haha I forgot what made me start now. But the more I draw, the more I want to throw it into the bin. But then again, looking at it from far doesnt make it too bad. hahaha xD

-Carmen

Nostalgic

2011-01-13T00:00:00.003+08:00

I was about to go to sleep, then suddenly out of nowhere I clicked on my older posts' links two years ago, and started to read. It was so long ago, so many things that i have forgotten. Haha, but ironically, what I was afraid of happening, happened; he was just like him, even the time period is the same, and the number of blog posts in the months are the same. Coincident? It ended similar, but the feeling was not really the same. So many things to say, so many things I saw. It's like my life chapters are on repeat mode. I told myself that it won't happen again. But not anymore I hope. This time, i'm stopping it. haha no more same mistakes.. again.

Friends, I had the greatest friends. Tshung Tsin, where my heart is forever, where I met the greatest people, who truly cared for me. We argued, they scolded, because they care for me. Even though I didnt listen and they were disappointed, but they were still there for me, and was there to catch me when i fall. When I realise I did make the wrong choice, they were there to wipe the tears and pull me back up. Junior life was memorable, but senior life was meaningful.

Last year was not bad, I did a lot, learnt a lot, met a lot :) Every year is getting better and better. I have high hopes for this year that it'll be better too? I want to do more. hehe. Work hard! no more being lazy, I've been lazy too much and too long already. haha PLAY HARD!!

Turn back time.

Hmm, wrote this 2 years ago too. I guess it's still true.

"..... 爱，可以。可是不要把所有的心思都放在里面！当他一走了，你剩下的只是一个空空的心。你哪里还会爱上别人？哪里还会相信别人？你那一颗空的心，会变得很脆弱，很怕受伤害，很难再恢复原来的样子。每当受伤一次，你的心能容纳的，就会越少。万一真的破了后，就算把他粘好，也会有疤，也会有洞。

爱情，换来的一定有悲伤。就算真心爱一个人，也不一定能捉着他的心。他可以狠狠的放弃你，抛弃你，自己过自己的新生活。当然，有的会好好爱着你，保护你，永远都不会把你走掉。可是当中的过程，也一定会很辛苦。

好的男人，有！真的有！其实只要你相信他，坏人也能变成好人。....."

Goodnight :)

P/s: Random, but Love you Jonathan Lee xDD what would I do without you :) ♥

-ManMan

Hehe

2011-01-11T23:07:00.003+08:00

Something that made me smile today.

Rahsia terbongkar :P

Stress :( So many assignments I need to finish. Trying to be good girl and finish on time. I'm nervous for English, headache for Business Computing. Then exams. Sooooooo fast =.= It's like sem 2 just started and now foundation is ending just a few months away.

And by the way, sat in Zhia's Kitchen with Siew Ting and Rachel today, for, 4-5 hours?? haha had lunch for an hour? then the rest just talking. Even missed the time of showing my Journal Response to Ms Sarah for feedback. haha oh well, just pass it up then. Hope I can score well. This semester is going to be a big disappointment.

But my parents called me yesterday. hehe They seemed to be happy :) What's a better feeling of making your parents proud? :)

Had a really strong feeling today. A strong feeling of prioririty. ♥

And I've learnt something today during service. When you have no time for something, it means that you have low priority for it. haha

Dr Ron Choong: "So Kevin, when your members told you they had no time for church? You know that they have low priority for it." xD hahahaha

he also said this, what excuse is he going to give when he doesnt want to eat greens? That he is a good person.

Dr Ron Choong: " Because I only eat animals that have a chance to run away. Instead of eating the plants that are minding their own businesses, taking a super long time to grow and get water when they can. They're not doing anything, and they can't run away and you eat them! I eat animals who have a chance to run." xD HAHAHA funny..

-Carmen

Mindset

2011-01-10T16:08:00.005+08:00

Different mindset, different people. Get this stupid feeling out from my head.

[Deleted] but hey, I've learnt this just yesterday at church. Sometimes, there are people you don't like in your life to test your patience. Hmm, after writing this, I think I get why. She's there to help me complete one of my resolution.

Awful.

Anyways, going to have a really busy week. Assignments are due very very soon. Exam is after next week and i know nothing about Business Computing. I'm disappointed in myself this semester, I'm not doing well. Marks are always lower than my expectation and I dont think I'll be getting the result I want at the end of this semester. Hmm oh well, I'll have to try harder :)

We must have hope in everything we do :) oh yess, this reminds me of yesterday's sermon. It was really good. It's about wisdom. Sharing time!

Wisdom is knowing and doing what God wants us to do.
Life is more than just goals, we must have a sense of purpose in life.
Life is not about doing all things, but being the best we could.
Rejoice and do good in life; enjoy life as it is God's gift.

-----------------------------------------------------

And a wonderful story shared by Pastor Kevin. But simplified. (From Ps Kevin's view)

"One of the leaders come to my office that day and spoke confidently :'Pastor! God spoke to me!', so I asked him what is it that God told him to do.

'God told me to move on, and I got a job RM2500 a month. But then, my previous boss came and look for me and asked me out yumcha, she wants to offer me my old job back. After she found out I have a job of Rm2500 a month, she offered me RM3800 a month! But I turned her down'

Rm2500 is enough for a freshly graduate like him, but RM3800 is a lot of money! I asked him if he were crazy to turn down such an offer.

'I know Pastor, but it's not what God wants me to do! and when I turned her down, she offered me RM6000! but I still turned her down, because I feel no peace in my heart! I can feel strongly that it is not God's will.'

I was shocked, RM6000 and he said no! He better be sure that it is God who spoke to him.

But the story has not ended, he said

'And when we were about to pay the bill and leave, she said she's going to do something she doesnt do to anyone. She said last chance, take it or leave it. Rm8000 per month! It was a lot of money and I said no. She asked me why do I want so much money for, is it the money of what. Why is it that I dont accept?! And I said it is not God wants me to do!'

I was very shocked. RM8000 for a fresh graduate!! I told him he better not regret making that decision. and he told me this,

'Pastor, I want you to know. Even if i made the wrong choice rejecting, even if I am a fool for not taking the rm8000 a month and things didnt turn out well, at least I know that I tried to obey and honour what God wants.'

That, is wisdom."

-----------------------------------------------------

WAHHH, such a nice story! I admire the leader :) I want to be like him too! Put God first. I'm sure He will be proud of him and will make things work for him :D I would love love love to hear a breakthrough from this story. I really hope he will be rewarded abundantly. ;)

And, while writing this, something great just happened. See the [deleted] up there in the 2nd paragraph? Well, I was not saying something nice about a friend of mine. Even though I said, Love God, Love People, but I couldnt help but writing those about her. And in the midst of writing the wonderful story, she came to me for help and asked me to help her change into a better person. I was shocked, it was so, so, so sudden. He's helping me, it's clear that He is. I've been praying for this every night, asking Him to help me love, and He is guiding me. And He told me to not write bad things about her by bringing her to me, asking me to help her change.

Pastor Kevin also said this, if God's wonders, miracles and his eternity can be measured or recored or explained, then He may not be so great after all. All His wonders, His miracles and His eternity are so great, so amazing that it is unexplainable, you can never express how great it is. and yes, it's true :)

I can never explain how wonderful God has made my life :)

-Carmen

A Day in KL

2011-01-08T23:26:00.003+08:00

Went to Mariott Hotel to look for Jamie today. Then went to Pavillion. Hehe had a good day with her, we laughed like crazy. Ate crazily a lot. hehe. Talked a lot too. Jamie, my best friend. Miss the old times. hehe we've been through a lot together.

From dont want to get to know each other,

to start hanging out,

to talking about problems and to calling.

From loving each other and to hating each other.

Laughed about even the smallest things.

hehehe we're soo different, but that's what makes us closer. our similarity is food xD HAHAHA

See us! Rajin! hehe thanks for helping me with everything :)

Jamie, I love you. :)

Ignore those idiots who betrayed you and backstabbed you. I'll still be here for you. hehe

My prayers were answered today. hehe Thank You! :D

_Carmen_

FINISHED!

2011-01-07T04:35:00.002+08:00

MY VIDEO IS FINALLY FINISHED!! :D hehe at 435am. xD i'm happy, and i'm proud of myself. hehe i hope it wont disappoint me. To those people who looked down on us girls, who thought we're computer noobs, who thought our video would turn out suckish; you'll see. :P

Anyways, to my dear brothers and sisters who are studying in TARC: David, Siew Xian, Joanne, Sing Ee, Jackson and Wesha. GOOD LUCK in your exams!! hehe Study hard, Pray hard, I'm sure you all can do it :D

Now, i'm going to get ready for bed, or maybe not cause i'm afraid i couldnt wake up later :/. Have 4 hours of break later anyways xD

OOPS!! I forgot I havent finish my English outline. Tsk tskk, i guess no sleep tonight.

-Carmen

Ending

2011-01-07T00:58:00.002+08:00

I got my closure. I can turn the page into a new chapter now, well, half a new chapter xD

Went to setapak for cell group today, went by KTM and LRT. At first i felt okay, then when cell group was starting, I started to tear up =.= dont know why. Nobody saw i think. haha trying to hide them. During sharing also voice was shaky. I meant what I said during my share, I want to try and apply what I have learn into my life. I dont go to church and cell group for nothing :) Love God, Love People. The most important one of all.

CNY!! haha christmas spirit has changed to chinese new year spirit now. haha last time downloaded Christmas songs, now I feel like listening to CNY songs. Hahaha :D 2 months holiday. What should I do? Want to go back tawau. Find my dear Wenjye and relatives. ;)

BACK TO VIDEO PROJECT!

-Carmen

Good Morning,

2011-01-06T09:34:00.004+08:00

《水晶》

看你的眼睛写著诗句

有时候狂野有时候神秘

随你的心情左右而行

脚步虽乱了但是心甘如饴

爱一个人常常很小心

仿佛手中捧着水晶

oh 爱一个人有缤纷心情

看世界仿佛都透过水晶

我和你的爱情好像水晶

没有负担秘密干净又透明

我给你的爱是美丽水晶

独特光芒光辉你我心底

Busy with projects nowadys. After I finish with the video, i think it will be a good time to start reading Business Computing since I have been skipping lecture since the 2nd week. Hmm study :) please please, don't be lazy anymore. haha Enough with the last minute studying.

I'm getting a lot of blessings lately :) and given the chance to help others. but hoping to see more breakthrough, more miracles. I promise to be good ;)

I dont want to lose you, and I will always love you.

I dont want to leave you, oh how much I love you.

My heart, for you.

Richie you're awesome :)

I wake up thinking about the same thing everyday..

-Carmenn

Seasons of Life

2011-01-04T20:17:00.005+08:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under heaven.

A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted.

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down, and a time to build up.

A time to week, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing.

A time to gain, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away.

A time to tear, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;

A time of war, and a time of peace.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

There's always, always a season for everything.

A time for your purpose, a time for your decisions.

Meeting the right person at the right time,

making the right decision at the right time,

letting go at the right time,

doing things at the right time,

even your attitude is because of the season.

Whenever something is not right, things are not going well, everything is bad, it's just for a season.

When things are right, when things are going well, everything is great, treasure it. You might not know when the time for it will end.

hehe go with the flow, that's what i do best. "The simplest way may lead to the sweetest of gardens" that's what a friend of mine gave me as a reminder, a gift to hang in my room xD

Just go on with life. Things will work out the way they are suppose to. =)

Life at any time can become difficult.

Life at any time can become easy.

Good or bad, they are seasons of life.

It all depends upon,

how you take on life and adjust to the seasons.

Credits to Ps Kevin.

-Carmen

Teehee

2011-01-03T23:30:00.003+08:00

I know what's going on lerh.. like i said, i'm not that stupid xD hahaha. but whatever it is, i hope that you are happy. but it'll be good to hear it from you. :)

I'm back in KL. hehe i noticed that the one door closes and another door opens is still happening like always. but this time i'm not going to open the door. hahaha will try to keep it shut. I think it shouldnt be too hard.

I'm looking forward to this month! hehe or the next month. A lot had happened. hehe slowly, i'll tell one by one xD hahaa looking forward to tomorrow too! and you'll know why soon. haha :P hope i wont be disappointed. Looking forward to go to church and cell group again. Looking forward to 2 weeks from now. Looking forward to 3 weeks from now! hahaha Looking forward to 4 weeks from now too.. wahh :D i hope that this year will be good to me. :) nah, i know it will :D kan stefan? XD positive thinking bahh..

Good luck Carmen, i'm sure you can do it :D

My sister took this. I copied cause I want a picture in my post xD

-Carmen

New year, new start

2011-01-03T00:35:00.004+08:00

I've asked you that same question too many times,

and I know what the answer is, but i'll never learn, I never wanted it to be the truth.

I've heard your answer too many times,

I listened, I accepted, but always hoping it'll change.

We've been through the same situation too many times as well,

but never get to stay away from it.

My heart is closing, shutting in. No more one door closes and another open. New year, new start. New chapter, new story. Forget the past, forget the memories, forget what's unhappy; remember only what makes you happy. It was just shattered again, but it'll be the last. Please make it the last. =) I dont need anymore, because I have everything else.

I Love You ♥

Just got back from watching a movie. The Tourist. Go watch! :) It's 2011! so fast another year already. I'm going back to KL again tomorrow. Time for class, time for work. Aaahhh, so many things to say.. =)

Maybe I could use my time for something good tomorrow morning? I miss everyone. :D we'll see.. probably too lazy to wake up and just stay at home again. XD

No resolutions this year. haha wait, actually I do, but i'll keep them private :P heheee. it's not a lot, but it sure does means a lot :) hope to achieve them very soon.

-Carmen

The End of 2010

2010-12-31T09:57:00.007+08:00

Time flies. It was like just yesterday that i was looking forward to a new year 2010. Now it's already the last day.

What have I done this year? There are 3 big chapters in my life.

Institute Sinaran, KK

1. Went to Institut Sinaran for A levels and met a few of my closest friends.

2. Be in the same institution as my best friends :D some may have grew further, but some closer.

3. Tried out for student council treasurer purely for fun and pressure from Brandon.

4. Went to this Ostrich farm for an awesome camp.

5. ♥

6. I was student council treasurer :D

7. IS Night. Cant say it wasnt fun xD Kan Jonathan? :P

8. Most importantly, I met a lot of really great people here, like Wenjye, Chikkien, James, Pei Ern, and a lot more. Some I didnt mention cause I met you guys in Tshung Tsin :P

9. No regrets spending half a year there.

Taylor's University, KL

1. I changed my mind in staying in KK and came to Taylor's.

2. First month or two, unhappy.

3. Met Vivian and Sonija on the first day of orientation :) Thank God.

4. Start to hang out with classmates.

5. Choices to make.

6. Learnt a lot of things, did a lot of different assignments for me.

7. I was very happy for a while, but things went downnnn.

8. Dramass.

9. Hmm, coming here changed my mindset and myself in some ways.

Church and Cell Group

1. First time to a church service, City Harvest KL, thanks to Jeremiah.

2. First time to a cell group, thanks to Jethro and Miah.

3. Met a lot of nice, funny and friendly people.

4. Pastor Kevin is super awesome.

5. Learnt A LOT more about God :)

6. Hang out a lot with cg members. They have no idea how they've helped me go through my unhappy times during my first few months.

7. Learnt seriously, a lot. :D

8. Went to Christmas Production, super awesome.

9. One of the best part of my KL life. :)

hehe, so how have I changed this year?

Quite a lot, compared to previous year. oh wait, here is my 2010 resolution! XD

2010 Resolution (posted on 1/1/2010)

1. Get higher achievements (Checked!)
2. Stay in touch with my good friends who didnt go to IS with me. (Checked!)
3. Meet and get to know more people. (Checked!)
4. Improve my thinking, and solving skills (Maybe? Check la xD)
5. Exercise? hahaha
6. Focus on more appropriate things.
7. Spend more time with my dogs. hahahaha
9. Speak more and better English. (Checked!)
10. Learn to cook a bit? haha dont know XD (Half check, learnt how to bake cookies! haha!)

Hahaha NOT BAD!! 6.5 out of 10. probably did the most this year among all my resolutions. haha :P

Conclusion : 2010, overall not a bad year, but in some ways, not a good year at all.

Spending my new year in Hong Kong, in my hotel room. haha

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Welcome 2011 with a happy smile :D it's going to be another good year.

-Carmen

In My Heart

2010-12-30T12:31:00.001+08:00

You're in my heart, you're in my soul

You'll be my breath should i grow old

You are my lover, you're my best friend

You're in my soul

My love for you is immeasurable

My respect for you immense

You're ageless, timeless, lace and fineness

You're beauty and elegance

You're a rhapsody, a comedy

You're a symphony and a play

You're every love song ever written

But honey what do you see in me

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You're stuck here.

-Carmen! :)

LOL?

2010-12-30T09:36:00.002+08:00

Big LOL, super swt =.=||.

WHAT IS GOING ON??

Ughh, so annoyed. =.=

What is wrong with you people.

Just leave me alone!!

sighh, guess I'll never learn.

=.=

Hmm..

2010-12-27T00:32:00.002+08:00

Manipulated?

I see more and more problems now, more and more questions.

I have not seen before.

What is happening actually? I dont really know what is going on anymore.

I'm from kampung only, I dont think so complicated.

But doesnt matter right? Just let it go..

Dont care anymore.

Just dont. Walk away.

No matter if you are betrayed, or lied to, or manipulated.

Just let it go...

I know I've done what's true to myself,

Enough la. That's all I need.

Go on with your games.

I guess maybe there's another mastermind behind all this :)

-carmen

Alone

2010-12-25T19:55:00.004+08:00

Me and my music; Me and my journal.

Had my alone time today at Sutera. My purpose of coming back.

Spent my whole afternoon there.

Even though alone, but it felt nice.

First, it was me and my journal;

Me and my music;

Me and the sky and the sea;

Me and food;

and finally, me and God.

Me and the sea and the sky.

Enough already. Enough explanations, enough choices.

I used to just say what's on my mind, do what i want.

Now, I dah lazy. Who cares what other people thinks.

I dah lazy want to explain, I dah lazy want to say what's on my mind.

What do you know actually, what i really feel.

Assumptions. Let it then.

Me and food; Me and my journal.

Blasted on my journal. Not finished yet though.

When i write and write and write, hours passed by without even noticing.

When i write, I notice things i have not noticed before.

I saw problems that i have not seen before.

I see better, and I know better.

Me and God.

Finally, while waiting for sunset, I read His words.

I read, and suddenly enough emo.

I had an urge to go play pool, to play.

Without waiting for the sun to set, without waiting to waste another minute,

I found my sifu and played.

Reminds me of how it all started.

Just like good old time.

When you went into the car to pass me something,

I want to pour my whole heart to you.

When you asked me what's wrong, and when i said everything,

Tears were already forming.

But you didnt ask anymore..

"dont you see, being there IS happy."

It keeps running around my mind.

Kept thinking about it.

And while walking to my car, I smiled.

Took me long enough to realize.

But im already tired.

I want to be alone for now. :)

-Carmen

Candyman

2010-12-23T07:01:00.003+08:00

He's a sweet talkin sugar coated candyman.

Catchy. Re-spark the sparks again since Sunday.

Today is Thursday, Tomorrow Friday, Saturday Christmas.

I'm going home soon :) Actually wanted to go away for the weekend, but daddy insisted I go vacation with them, since alang- alang. I hope everything will go well when i'm there. The video clip, please let there be not much problems. I hope everything will be done later too.. Stressing people out only la this business computing =.= what e-portfolio, physical portfolio and lectures that i fall asleep EVERY single time till i dont see the point going anymore. =/

"now I understand why emo people do it to themselves.."

hmm i understand too, I used to do it too, but i dont want to feel that anymore. Since i'm always protected, the least i could do is also to protect myself. hehe I express in a whole new way now. This i found out yesterday. Oh yes, i know where to go when i need time to be alone already. haha substitute for Sutera or Tg Aru, but so far away. zZz

"Why are you lost?"

Because i'm not listening to His voice. Too many voices, too many possibilities. But in the end, I AM choosing to listen to His voice, though it may be tough, but i'm tryingg. Maybe today might help make it easier a bit. I ni just a quiet girl laa.. Nobody paid much attention to me, would love the attention though xD from all my friends. For i think maybe the first time ever, I dont mind to be alone ;)

I'll be fine. Just give me time :)

P/s: If baba mami you are reading this, dont overthink. :P

-carmen

Ramblings

2010-12-22T14:37:00.002+08:00

宁愿一个人承受？我要你明确的心声。

going home soon. :) how much more cowardly can i get?

Merrry Christmass friendss!!

hehe this reminds me of a phrase in the Bible. Post it soon.

I learnt if from one of the best sermons i have ever heard, Seasons of Life.

Funny and Educational. :D

Would love to hear it again ;)

Going out soon! bye :D

-carmen

What a day.

2010-12-19T22:40:00.003+08:00

These few days had really been a roller coaster to me, literally. First i go up, then down then up then down. I feel happy then the next second i feel hurt, then i feel fine again and then broken once more. I cant take it, it's all too sudden for me.

I dont know who to trust anymore. I dont know what to trust anymore.

Suddenly everything is out. Even things that are suppose to kept between us are out.

But i accept, it's all the truth now. Fair and square.

We caught your lies, and you caught my guilt.

But still I dont know who to trust anymore.

Everyone is hurting me.

I dont knowww.. I have no idea what God wants me to learn from this.

Maybe a blessing, maybe a lesson.

I dont know. Why suddenly my life so complicated.

It has always been simple, just do what i want.

I still do, but now i'm added with the extra pain and burden.

I trusted you, every single one of you.

But you all showed me that nobody should be trusted.

Except the people i know so well in KK.

Jonathan Lee, Brandon Shen, Wenjye Chen, Melon Chikkien, James Chin;

I cant finish. Even Jeremiah Vun.

That's why home is always the best.

I dont regret coming here, better learn my lesson now than later.

God has plans, I will not regret my decisions.

I live with them.

-carmen

Home

2010-12-19T16:27:00.002+08:00

I'm going home soon. Finally i'm going home. I'm leaving this place. I'm leaving this place that has made me suffer so much. I hate it here, I dont ever want to come back anymore. Please make the pain go away.. i dont want it, it's not worth it..

Please take care of us, please take care of her.

That's all i want.

It is really all i want is for them to be happy.

All I want, nothing more.

Why has my life come to this. Why am i suddenly the bitch. I have done everything I can, but why is it not working.. All backfires. I'm useless, all I do is ruin things only.

I nak leave this place.. I nak leave this hell.. Please take me.

But i can do it. I can go through this even if i'm alone. Nothing can take me down, because i have more to live for. Please remember, 50 more years to go...

-carmen

Wounds

2010-12-17T19:39:00.003+08:00

You hurt me more than you know. I'm hurt and upset not cause of what happened but because of what you said.

Hmm everyone is different. How everyone handles something is different. The ways and process may not be the same, but what's important is the end result. Dont judge when it's not the way you like, don't assume it wont work when it's not the way you usually use. Every way, every thought, every move, every thing; do what you do because that's who you are.

I know myself, that's what is important. You don't know me, you're just assuming.

I have feelings too.

Missing home, badly..

Missing friends,

missing the feelings,

missing my space..

I have a lot of assignments. Dont know can finish or not. For the first few times this year, i'm stressed.

-carmen

Blessing in Disguise

2010-12-17T06:39:00.002+08:00

Another blessing, another love. My Lord, You never disappoints me :) You told me to wait and do what i need to do and I will find the answer, and I did. I love You. Thank You.

Anyways, CITY HARVEST CHRISTMAS PRODUCTION!! Went last night, awesome show! haha talks about family, marriage and relationships. Funny, touching, amazing :) I admire them, everyone. I admire the performers- actors, dancers and singers; I admire Ps Kevin; I admire the sound crew; I admire the ushers (Jason in charge tu! :P); mostly, I admire those who stood up and walked to the front. I wish I had that courage.

Hmm, i broke my own record. I didnt sleep at all. not bad ah. wonder when i'll feel sleepy again. anyways, time for class :)

My motto : Be a blessing to people. Love others like how you love yourself.

-Carmen

Christmas

2010-12-12T14:30:00.003+08:00

I'm downloading christmas songs! :D this coming few days or maybe even weeks is going to be very busy for me. i have a lot to do and time is not enough! haha no matter assignments or Christmas or church or friends, a little of something for everyday.

Just got back from church not too long ago and today's sermon was GREAT! Ps Kevin is super awesome. haha learn something new every week and always look forward for a new sermon. City Harvest KL is just so amazing. :)

4 days without food, 3 more to go! ;) doing fine so far, though i miss the taste of it. CANT WAIT TO PUT FOOD INTO MY MOUTH AGAIN!! xD waiting for a breakthrough.

hmm my journal is very outdated, haha going to update it later. ;) hopefully.

Christmas spirit surrounding us! :)

-Carmen

Torn

2010-12-08T03:05:00.007+08:00

into two paths. into two hearts. into two world.

I'm trying something new, God please give me strength! :D

I miss kk, so badly.

I miss being in Sutera Harbour,

I miss being in Tanjung Aru,

I miss being alone and let my mind just wander,

I miss being nice,

I miss being me.

Kimmy is away from my side for so long, Bubbles left alone with me hugging. Dont worry my sayangs.. I still miss you.

God and life have been treating me good. Always will meet nice people everyone I go. Like today, met this really nice stranger. I helped my friend asked about the bag he was carrying and he gave me more details and help than I have expected. I'm lucky, always have been, and hopefully always will be.

The roads are empty. it's 4:21am. Sun is rising in KK now. What happened to me? I'm different now. No, I dont like it. I'm a terrible person now.

I'm starting to yawn. Time to sleep. Class in 3.5 hours. oops.

-carmen

Yours

2010-12-04T01:44:00.003+08:00

No, i dont like this feeling at all, I cant trust. Is it me? Or is it you?

What's not mine will never be mine.

Neither you, neither I, will be able to convince otherwise.

I'd rather that it will go away now, but how?

idk.

Go away..

-carmen

Thoughts

2010-11-30T18:12:00.005+08:00

When you have that connection, you will always be connected no matter what happens.

You'll always remember the person, always have the memories.

You'll act like you don't care, you'll act like you have forgotten,

but deep down, deep inside your heart without you knowing or not,

you will always care, because two have become one.

Hmm there are conflicts in my heart.

Conflicts that i can't make up my mind or be determined enough to fix.

I know the answer, but I don't want to know;

because then I know what i am doing is wrong.

Can't be greedy and have everything, you will always have to make a choice.

Have you ever did something you know it's wrong but felt so right?

Have you ever did something you know it's right but felt so wrong?

I don't know. I never knew, and I never will.

I need voices, I need guidance, I need the strength and I need the heart.

I need answers and I need decisions.

I need you...

This year might not be the best year for me, but not the worst, never had a worst.

I'm thankful, because I have everything important with me.

I'm thankful, because He never abandon me.

but I need You to tell me straight to my face, straight to my heart about what i should do.

I don't like this feeling :(

-Carmen

KayKay

2010-11-25T08:35:00.003+08:00

I'm back home! hehe hello Kota Kinabalu, my home, where my love is, where my peace of mind is :) hehe last night when we landed, my mom said that after coming back from KL and landed in KK, she felt that KK is very calm, very peaceful. haha where she can relax. I look around, true also. No traffic jams, less people, less buildings, more trees. Haha :)

I missed home. First thing i did, went to my room (so spacious and neat XD), played the piano, and just sit on the sofa.. Aahhhh, the feeling of being home XD hehe!

Though will miss my friends in KL though.

1 and a half week of holiday. hmmm what to do? haha i'm sure i'll find things to do. Currently waiting for Jonathan to come, hope he doesnt ffk =.= 8.53am. If he doesnt come at 930am, i'm going to call him! XD

Now listening to my used to be FAVOURITE band, Good Charlotte XD haha it's a funny reason why i like the band, but i'm not letting the whole world know. haha! Their new album released, Cardiology. Hmm, okay la :D hehe Daniel Powter is nice.

My Cell Group brothers and sisters.

Hmm going to miss cell group 2 times. Oh well :( and church. :( but might go to GCC guaa this week. hehe. I suddenly feel disconnected :(

Happy Holidays! :D

-carmen

Exam

2010-11-18T00:19:00.003+08:00

Exam week. I am in no exam mood AT ALL.

Coming to taylor's, i've become more diligent.

I do some of my homework (i never touched any before this),

I do my assignments without copy and pasting and i do them the best I can (which i only cincai do before this, cause can copy and paste XD),

I listen in class (probably cause wenjye and robert not beside me :( ).

but when it comes to exams, haha lose gao gao. no mood here AT ALL. which leades to -- X_X

i have one exam tomorrow. didnt study, havent study, havent touch the book and it's 112 am. maybe cause it's english. hmmm.. but i'd still study when i'm not here. maybe it's cause it feels too much like holiday already, or that i go out too much. I dont see my housemates much anymore. tsk tsk. :( i'm backsliding in a way. haha tempted by the fun i could have with my friends.

anyways, went to the State of the Arts in CHC today for a few hours only. even so, it was AWESOME! hehe you all should have went XD pity that i couldnt stay longer, but it's okay, could spend time with my friends, worth it :)

I saw this in Daiso the other day. and it makes me miss you sooooooooooooooo much you know!! you know who you are! ♥ cant wait to see you again. I hope you're doing fine and less angry now. XD hehe love you!! take care kay? any problems or when emo just talk to me. i'm always here for you! :)

-carmen

Happy Birthday

2010-11-07T20:33:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONATHAN LEE!!

*the day you woke me up freakishly early in the morning just so you can take me for a ride in your sister's awesome car! xD*

haha i sangat miss you, you know?? i know today didnt go according to your plan, haha no worries la, you'll still grow older ;) and if i were there, i think we'll most probably end up in cyber. hahahaha

*another of our "family" photo XD!!*

anywaysss, older already, got girlfriend already, dont forget your best friend ah! :) and i know you probably will read this after i dont know how long xD

*my first slow dance in front of everyone with you. kena paksa. haha who asks us to work so hard for the event :P*

with love, CARMEN!

Life in Taylor's

2010-11-06T00:12:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling much better now. hehe i feel sayang-ed, i feel happy, i have fun and i cant wait to see my friends now. Weekdays when I go to class, then when i go back to hostel everynight, and going to church every weekend, I cant wait for each of them. I feel so happy seeing everyone :)

So what have i been doing lately besides going to class?

1. Play cards ALL THE TIME. xD

2. Going to every shopping malls available everyday xD

3. Watch movies, and ghost movies xD

4. Staying over at Melvin's house with friends (not often la)

5. Studying lo ;) guai ma..

6. Getting surprises :D thank you :P

7. Showering late cause coming home late :O

8. Listening to super nice songs over and over again. ♥

9. Playing with new games on my new phone :P

10. Lepak xD

11. Looking forward to each day! ♥

haha see, so many things i can do. I can see fireworks just outside my room window. two days already. hehe. HAPPY DEEPAVALI! :D

Just a dedication, i want to say my life in KL would suck without you guys :D

Everyone in Group 1.1,

Sonija and WeeWean my ji muis,

Jeanette, Michelle, Xiang, MengHan, Hong Hong my housemates,

My cell group brothers and sisters!

P/s, i super super miss you guys back home!

Love you guys! :)

-carmen

Soon

2010-10-27T02:17:00.003+08:00

updating soon! hehe have good news about my life to share! ;) i've been going out EVERYDAY till past midnight this week. =.= with people i thought i would not get along with. haha but it is definitely fun, and i would do it everyday! because of reasons :) hehe will blog about it soon. have been too busy with assignments and too tired with the fun lately.

*star command has received your message, buzz lightyear*

-star command over and out! ;)

-- Carmen :P

Playlist

2010-09-26T01:43:00.002+08:00

Songs you must listen to before you die (songs up until 26 Sept 2010) XD

Love Like Crazy - Lee Brice
Something Stupid - Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman
Smile - Uncle Kracker
Someday - Rob Thomas
Hey Soul Sister - Train
When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating
L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Falling For You - Colbie Calliat

~~You're Body is a Wonderland - John Mayer~~

Haha scratch number 12, listen to all John Mayer's Songs XD
Nothing Lasts Forever - Maroon 5
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
Everything - Michael Buble
Home - Michael Buble
Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble
Heal the World - Michael Jackson
Pixie Lott's Songs! :D

and the list could go on and on and on. heheh. actually in other words, these are a few of my favourite songs XD a few only, I still have A LOT! :D

and if i had to put them in order, only a few songs i know are in the top of my list:

Smile - Uncle Kracker
Love Like Crazy - Lee Brice
When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating

hahahaa and i notice most of them are slow, love songs. and old XD teeheee

-carmen

Update

2010-09-19T14:38:00.003+08:00

Helloooo :) i am currently bored and dont know what to do. haha

well, mid term exam is next week, but only 2 out of 4 subjects. and it's the two easier subjects that need no studying. so, yeah, like nothing. and whole week is exam week, so holiday for me! since i only need to go to school for 2 hours only for the whole week.

Went to church yesterday. It was great, it was awesome :) though i felt disconnected at first cause of guilt, but He showed me mercy and took me into his arms :) I cried, and cried. and praying is just not enough..

Today, housemates made spaghetti! hehehe. :D last night they made air bali. so good kan? they are amazing people in my life ;) laugh together, play together, eat together, shop together.

Grateful for a lot of things. I'm not emo anymore. :D

I miss you chen wen jye.

-Carmenn

=(

2010-09-13T16:24:00.000+08:00

I'm sick! sighh..

-carmenn ;)

KL

2010-09-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

i'm back to Kuala Lumpur! hehe i miss my hostel room :D it feels like home XD haha not saying that home doesnt feel like home, hostel is my 2nd home. Ahahaha, i'm not thinking right :P

weee... back to being with my housemates and living alone again. XD

but boo to going back to class :(

i'm waiting for my hair to dry. it's too late already and i dont dare to use the hair dryer. scared later i wake my housemates up. :S so yeah, i'm using the not-noisy-fan-on-the-ceiling.

i need to finish my projects :O need to pass up this week already. and i'm still in the holiday mood :/

haha no pictures for now. didnt upload. lazy :P so please bear with my picture-less posts :D

-carmen

Tomorrow

2010-09-11T23:34:00.003+08:00

Going back to KL tomorrow lorr.. so fast.. one week not enough ;) have been going out everyday, haha. didnt get to meet everyone, wait till next month lah..

busy busy. dont want to go back yet.. stay here no need to worry so much. haha :D and i have friends to go eat sheng rou mian and watch movies with.. didnt take any pictures though. only one with wenjye. haha.

hmm, not in the writing mood. XD can't think of anything to write. wait for the feeel lah..

i want ice cream.

Goodbye KK again.

-carmen

Emo

2010-09-06T22:15:00.003+08:00

i feel very emo lately, i dont know why. Alot have been going through my mind? A lot i have to do, a lot that i think about, intentionally, unintentionally.

First, assignments. I'm not really stressed, just don't know how to get started. I dont know what to write, how to write and stuff. I dont feel like dying, i actually had fun doing the previous few assignments.

Okay, now i'm starting to be very vague.

When i see people like them together, i feel very envious. When is it going to be my turn? Why cant i feel the same way, share the same fate? I'm lucky to have almost everything i want. I have an almost perfect life. Just that, i never had that. Even my friend said that, i'm good in everything, just lack of that one thing. i'm not making sense.

I'm just very jealous. I want that as well :( :(

i am very emo lately ohh... :( call and talk to me eh :)

-carmen

Memories

2010-09-05T22:02:00.004+08:00

I think of the days way before today. I think of the first day of school, the first day when i saw you again. I always, always think of how we met, how we were..

Xanga, msn, friends, brother and sister, love, fight, hatred, coldness, thoughts, memories, missing you, calling you, rejection, school, trying, leadership camp, bus, conversation, school, hanging out, pool, potbless, election, banner, confession, photos, love, rejection, complicated, falling in love.

you're leaving such a deep mark in my life.

I miss you so much. i love you.

-carmen

KenJi

2010-09-01T11:42:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR DEAR FRIEND!!

hehe Hope you'll be very very happy :D

I LOVE YOU KENJI!! :D :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Saturday

2010-09-01T10:29:00.002+08:00

I'm going back this saturday! I cant wait!! i miss home sooooooo much :D hehe

i love my life :) i'm a happy and lucky girl. hehehehe! wouldnt trade anything for it. :)) why the sudden enthusiasm? i dont know :P hehe LIFE IS GOOD :)

have been working on a lot of projects lately. the dark circles under my eyes are getting more and more obvious. bed time has changed from 11pm to 12pm, now to 1am, and sometimes 2am. last night slept at 230am. so late right? but the weird thing is, i dont mind the projects i have to do. I have fun doing them :O hahaha that's so weird XD

in one of my post, i've mentioned that i'm working hard to prove myself. and i'm doing quite okay, probably why i'm having fun XD hahaha

Dad coming tomorrow :) Holiday this friday :) HOME THIS SATURDAY! :D

-Carmen Loong

Disappointed

2010-08-29T13:51:00.002+08:00

There's something i've been taking care of very carefully and very lovingly. I put my time and effort onto it and hoping that it'll grow and maybe come back to me. But just one word, that word "Good lah", that, destroys everything.

That one word, proves that you dont really care. You didnt even ask why, or show the slightest bit of curiousness or sadness. I put all my heart into it, but it's no use, you dont care.

Now i wonder, why did i even waste my time on it. Is it so hard to just admit? Just look at yourself, i dont believe that you dont know at all. But since you don't even want it, fine, say goodbye.

It's time that i should wake up.

It's time to know, that it is just a mistake.

I expected so much more from you.

-carmen

Lucky Girl

2010-08-22T21:32:00.004+08:00

Hehe i'm really glad to have my housemates. they take really good care of me. Two 20 years old, two 19 years old, and i'm the youngest. hehe

Today i was watching movie in my room and they thought i wasnt home, so they had dinner without me (we eat dinner together almost every night). Then after i finish, i went out and asked them if they had dinner, they said they eat already. Later after we talked a bit and looked at photos, they ask me to go eat dinner. hehe two of them cook hash brown for me to eat with maggi. hehe so nice oh :) i'm living a good life.

Thank you for the people who take care of me.

I'm really glad that i'm staying with them. at least we can talk and have fun and laugh together. hehe i guess we're quite close compared to other people. my other friend said she's kinda lonely in her apartment, dinner eat alone and stuff. cleaning up also not together. hehe

I really really hope that i wont have to move.

And today i went to Church again! hehe felt really good worshiping God. =)

pretty :)

-carmen

Praise!

2010-08-20T20:35:00.005+08:00

I went to my first cell group meeting yesterday, and it was interesting and fun :) met a lot of new nice, friendly people. Hehe. I would love to have a second time.

Cell Group leader, Puika i think, prayed for me to have more self confidence, more friends and happier life in uni. and today, people i dont really talk to were talking to me, it was short, but it's a start. :) hehe i was even offered a brownie by someone else ;)

Thank You :)

Moving on to a new topic, haha hostel no water today :/ but LUCKY for me, i woke up early enough (i woke up 15 mins earlier to take a shower, first time in KL) and there was still a bit of water left for me. enough to take a shower slowly. haha my other friend who woke up up 20 mins later than me didnt have water to use anymore. haha. and just now at night, the water was stopping as well, and we all took our buckets to fill in water so we could shower. during my turn to shower, the water was back already. hehe

Thank You again for blessing me with such lucky life.

I'm glad and thankful with a lot of things. I'm truly blessed.

I'm very sorry that i cannot live up to your expectations, i'm very sorry that i've disappointed you. :(

That's Kimmy, my baby bear. heehe. and an album that used to have a purpose.

-carmen

OMG

2010-08-17T15:14:00.003+08:00

Oh my Gosh!! AHH!! oh my freaking gosh!! :O

What is this?? How can a little boy like him be SO FREAKING TALENTED?? :O cannot believe lah seriously. I'm in love with this kid. I'm his fan now :D be his fan too!!

Credits to Derek Yong. Haha found out about this boy from his blog.

Some guys are so romantic :D hahahaha i want a guy like that.

-carmen